.::BELOVED::. It's A Lifestyle!

Posted by Amy Goins on 7/20/2011 to General Blog

A few months ago, Kim was in a pitch meeting at the corporate offices of a major cable television network. After seeing a short video tape of myself, Denise and Kim, the network executive was going over the “characters” of Beloved - describing each of us and the roles we play, so to speak. When he got to me, he described me as the “terminally single” one. Later when Kim was telling me about this exchange and this comment in particular, we were in a restaurant and with someone I didn’t know very well, so I laughed it off and successfully hid the devastation that had just come over me. What devastated me so much was the fact that this complete stranger, after seeing maybe 1 minute of video tape of me, had found me out. He read my mail. He had me at hello. He saw through me. What I thought I was hiding so well, even to myself, was obviously on display for all to see. I felt vulnerable and exposed and completely caught off guard. It was that meeting and comment though that set in motion a chain of events that changed my life and allowed me to release junk that I had been carrying for the greater part of my 42 years.

I was depressed over this for several days but soon God began speaking to me through just about every means possible. God was deliberately pursuing me with a vengeance, showing me it was time to lay this down, once and for all. I heard a message at a church, that I normally don’t attend, that was like it was being delivered solely for me. During this message, the speaker suggested another message to listen to on-line. I downloaded and listened to the suggested message that evening and had a for real God encounter like I had never had before. The message by Louie Giglio was called “Still Dating Dad” and he talked about how unresolved issues with our parents are taken into our dating/marriage relationships. When the message was over I began to sob and cry like I had not done in a very long time. I was grieving years and years of hurts, wrong-doings, lies, disappointments and abandonments that I had been secretly carrying for years. In an A-HA moment, God showed me that I had always kept people, particularly men, at a distance not because I didn’t like myself but because I didn’t want to be hurt and abandoned. After years and numerous times of ‘giving it to God’ I finally knew what I was giving over and laying down. I literally felt a weight being lifted from my body and a peace came over me like I’ve never felt before. Jesus was in the room with me. I felt His presence and I didn’t want Him to leave. There were many other things God did during this time to show me over and over that He was pursuing me and wanting true intimacy with me. Along with the spiritual change, I realized that if it indeed was my desire to have a husband, then I needed to be active in that process.

I, along with the help of my life coach (AKA Kim), came up with some action items which I immediately began to complete. I have a hard time verbalizing my desires and needs and so began conquering that fear by posting various comments to Facebook and committed to writing this blog. It’s been truly amazing to see God working. Although I believe God released me from some long time chains that night, there are old thought patterns and fears that still continue to creep up and I am working through those as they appear. I’ll be using this blog as a place to share my victories and challenges as I walk into and claim ALL that God has for me. I want to hear from you too. Tell me what God is dealing with in you, and how you are combating fears and learning to walk in victory.